This is a guide for beginners who want to do their very best to avoid accidents during anal play, anal sex, or when using anal sex toys. Personally, I like the reassurance of being clean and clear before any kind of anal. And I repeat: personally - because I know this topic tends to spark a lot of debates.
I also genuinely enjoy the physical process of douching as part of my ‘sex routine.’
Before we get into the guide, it’s important to acknowledge that accidents happen - and I’ll cover this later on. But seriously, don’t get into bed (or the sling, or wherever) with someone who makes you feel so terrified of ‘mess’ that you can’t even enjoy the sex. Your comfort is always paramount. This is non-negotiable.
And every time you feel like letting that slide, just picture me hitting you with an ashtray.
This is a guide to using an anal bulb douche, which is a handheld anal hygiene device available from all sex shops. The purpose of this type of anal douching is to clear out any residual feces (or poop - whatever term you prefer) that may be present at the entrance of the anus. It’s not intended to completely empty your lower bowels.
This guide does not cover the use of enemas, as I do not use them.
When you douche, you squirt water just inside the entrance of your anus to clear out any leftover or upcoming ‘mess’ from where the penis, fingers, toy - whatever - is going. This lets you enjoy stimulation without any ‘mess’ getting in the way.
This is my way of doing things, and it’s worked really well for me. I might not know algebra, how to keep my mouth shut, or the offside rule… but trust me, I do know sex.
Bottom Shaming Disclaimer:
There are plenty of people out there who don’t care about potential “accidents,” and that’s ABSOLUTELY FINE. But that’s just not me. I care, and over the years, I’ve learned what to take into consideration and how to avoid them.
This guide isn’t here to reinforce or encourage shame - it’s simply to help you stay comfortable if you prefer anal sex without accidents. And you don’t need to apologize for that, by the way, or explain it to anyone.
I’ve lost count of how many sanctimonious rants I’ve had thrown at me over my choice to have mess-free anal sex - but it’s my choice. My body. My bed sheets. And as long as it’s done carefully and responsibly, it’s all good. Comfort is such an important part of great sex.
Always do what makes you comfortable, as long as it’s safe and consensual.
DISCOVERING DOUCHING?
I’ve never had a sense of toilet humor. Ever. When people fart around me, I don’t find it funny. Maybe that makes me miserable, but that’s just who I am. I don’t like poo talk, and I definitely don’t like bad smells. I’ve always been really particular about smells.
My flat constantly reeks of scented disinfectants, plug-in air fresheners, and wax melts. My dad says I smell like a “whore’s handbag.” Which, honestly, is a huge compliment.
It’s kind of funny that I’m so weird about bad smells and toilet stuff, considering how much I love anal sex - and, as we all know, your anus has a very specific purpose: to poop.
When I first started to fully understand my sexuality and realized I was interested in anal sex, I had the same humorous (and sometimes homophobic) perception as pretty much every young person growing up in the 90s and early 2000s: you slap on some Vaseline or spit - and it’ll probably fucking hurt. You bend over like they do in porn and let a man use your bum. It was all laced with shame and dark humor.
I didn’t know a thing about reciprocal pleasure. But honestly, why would I? My Roman Catholic school’s idea of “sex education” was 15 minutes of kids giggling about periods and wet dreams, while my classmates shouted over our terribly laid-back teacher. So yeah, I’m not surprised I was clueless.
But still, the idea of a guy having sex with my bum was appealing. It was an organic attraction to anal sex - I could instinctively feel that my body wanted it. When I saw a gorgeous man, I fantasized about him being inside me. And honestly, I still get that same feeling now. Because it’s natural… it just takes some preparation.
Which leads me to my next paranoia: what about the mess? Surely, if you put something in your butt, it’s unhygienic and it’s going to get… dirty? And won’t it smell?! This was my personal idea of a nightmare.
It wasn’t until I started working in sex shops at 18 that I first heard about anal douching. I knew about colonic irrigation (thanks to that early 2000s celeb trend), but I didn’t know anything about douching. My boss, Jessica - who had previously been an adult film star - walked me through how she prepped for anal scenes using a shower attachment.
At first, I was disgusted. I imagined her ejecting dirty water straight into the bath. But she quickly corrected me: you pop over to the toilet, sit down, release, and repeat until you’re happy with how clear the water looks.
(Some people do use the bath or shower… but that could never be me.)
The sex shop also sold these weird rubber bulb-looking things I’d seen in chemists. Turns out, they were called bulb douches. On my first few shifts, I assumed they were for removing sperm from the vulva after sex - but I was quickly educated otherwise.
Bulb douches are simple, easy-to-use handheld devices that let you spray water just inside the entrance of your anus to wash out any feces that might be hanging around. Depending on your lifestyle, diet, etc., it can be relatively clear in there… or it can be a bit messy, especially if you’ve recently been to the toilet - or are about to.
DO I NEED TO DOUCHE?
To answer simply: No, you don’t need to douche. If you eat a high-fiber diet and have regular, predictable (and non-sticky) bowel movements, sometimes just a quick wipe around with a finger, toy, or nozzle can be enough. Maybe even a quick spray with the shower.
It’s completely up to you. As I say in pretty much everything I write: comfort is paramount.
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
Anyway, let’s get started. For beginners, I always recommend starting with a simple anal bulb douche. Sure, there are shower attachments, enema kits, dildo-shaped toys, etc., etc., out there - but if you’re new to this, stick to bulbs for now.
Even now, I still only use a bulb douche. It’s just my personal preference - mainly because I can’t be arsed to keep detaching and reattaching shower nozzles. Over time, you’ll figure out what works best for you.
There are loads of options on the market, and it can feel overwhelming trying to pick the right one - so just keep it simple.
As a beginner, it’s important to choose a basic bulb douche with a narrow nozzle. A lot of products come with exaggerated nozzles: curved, ribbed, even ones shaped like penises - but let’s keep it simple (and affordable) to start with. Nice and slim is the way to go. You can pick one up for around £8-15 from any sex shop.
THE SHOPPING LIST:
The douche itself.
A good lubricant. I recommend a thicker, hybrid lube (mix of water-based and silicone) for maximum comfort.
Toilet roll and/or flushable, eco-friendly wipes.
A disposable towel.
My DM’s and email inbox are open if you want specific recommendations: topher@tophertaylor.co.uk
BEGINNING:
When your douche first arrives, the first thing you want to do is clean it. Don’t skip this step. You don’t know how long it’s been sitting in a warehouse, on a shipping container, or if there’s any powder left from the molding process - and you’re about to insert this into your anus. Give it a good clean with an antibacterial sex toy cleaning spray and plenty of warm water. Make sure to rinse thoroughly until there are no bubbles left from the spray. If you don’t have a sex toy cleaner, gentle soap and warm water will do the trick. Even vodka can be used.
Check the nozzle for any bumps or scratches. I’ve hurt myself before using a douche that had tiny bits of plastic chipped off or where the factory’s molding process left a little drip of hardened plastic. You’re not likely to find anything - but always check, just to be safe. If you do find a fault, contact the retailer and ask for a replacement. Don’t try to chip, break, or sand it off. Just get a new one.
Familiarise yourself with how quickly the water comes out of the nozzle when you squeeze the bulb. I recommend doing a few practice runs first - you don’t want to accidentally fire a load of water up into yourself right away, which can easily happen if you squeeze too hard.
Check how easy it is to fill the bulb all the way to the top. You want to make sure it’s filled right to the brim, or you’ll end up pushing air into yourself. This can be a bit trickier with bulbs that have very narrow openings for the nozzle. With some douches, you might need to submerge the whole thing and squeeze it to create suction and fill it with water. Pushing a little bit of air inside yourself won’t really cause any harm - but it will want to come back out. And that’s not always the most fun when you’re getting bonked in the butt. Unless you’re into that.
Please note: ONLY use water for douching. Do not use soap, perfume, cleaning products, disinfectants, or anything other than plain H2O. This is non-negotiable.
USING THE DOUCHE:
When you are starting to douche for the first time – do it alone without the intention of having anal sex. These are test runs and help you to better learn the process, so you can have confidence when douching for sex with a partner(s). It’s also a great way to gauge what ‘state’ your tummy is in with how you’ve been eating/drinking that day and the evening before.
Go and sit your cute butt on the toilet.
Now, grab your douche. The first thing you want to do is fill the douche with warm water. Check the temperature of the water very carefully, as the last thing you want is to send boiling hot or freezing cold water into yourself. It is NOT fun if you aren’t expecting it. Let your tap run for a few seconds, so you can gauge the temperature with confidence.
Apply a generous amount of lube to your anus and the douche nozzle. In the early days, too much is never going to be ‘too much’. If you are very sensitive (like myself), you’ll use a generous amount of a thicker lube. A thicker lube helps to create a ‘cushion’ between the nozzle and your sensitive internal walls. Lube is non-negotiable. Use it. Lots of it.
When inserting the nozzle, if it feels awkward, ‘push out’ your anal muscles – almost as if you’re going to the toilet. This will help to relax and open the entryway for the nozzle to glide inside.
When the nozzle is nice and deep inside (insert it fully) now is time to squeeze and push the water inside. The harder and quicker you ‘squeeze’, the higher the water will shoot up. Just remember, this is just to clear out the entrance way, so you don’t need to fire it up into your belly.
Once the water is inside, in the beginning you’ll often feel the urgent need to release it – which is fine. But I find that holding it inside and jiggling around feels nice and tickles. Plus, you’ll feel extra satisfied as its released.
Now – release. Pay attention to the clarity of the water. It’s very important to remember that you don’t always get rid of 100% of the water on the first release. You’re sending water inside, which may reach the curving and winding shape of your lower bowels, so it can take time to make its way back down.
You may need to remove toilet blocks and scented disinfectants that hang in the toilet bowl. The reason being, they have a tendency to discolour and leave bubbles in the water, and you want to see what’s going on.
Repeat. Keep repeating until you are confident with the clarity of the water. Leave 2-5-minute gaps between each go. Re-apply a gentle amount of lube with each insertion. This may seem excessive but your anus will thank you for it in the long run.
Remember that the water doesn’t need to be ‘crystal clear’ to have anal sex without mess. You’ll often find that you’ll hit a point where the water is generally clear with a few tiny flake-like bits swirling around. Generally, here, you are good-to-go. You don’t need to be squirting out Evian, babes.
Now it’s time to wait for all of the water to exit. This can take up to 30 minutes naturally – but if you want to ‘speed it up’ – go and lay on your bed sideways (on your LEFT) and gently massage your tummy in circular motions. Put a towel underneath you in case something ‘urgently’ squirts out. You can also do this with a hot shower, but I find the laying down method is much more efficient.
When the last of the water comes out, you’ll have a very clear idea of how ‘clean’ you are.
A lot of people like to do a ‘finger test’ after to make sure the entrance is free from mess. If you’re going to do this, use lube and consider your fingernails before sliding it in. If you have long or sharp nails, consider a rubber glove or even a condom.
Wash your hands. And shower/bathe if you wish. I know I do.
Please note: If douching ever takes longer than 45 minutes to an hour, give your body a rest. When it’s taking ages, the best thing you can do is take a break and give your body time to catch up. If it’s dragging on this long, you’re probably bringing down mess that wouldn’t have come out otherwise.
This is exactly why I recommend doing test runs - which we’ll get to now.
WHY DO TEST RUNS?
After douching and trying anal play for the first few times, you’ll probably start to notice patterns. This is why I recommend doing test runs - so you can learn how things like your diet, hydration, lifestyle (and even your mood) affect how your douching session goes. You’ll also get a feel for how much time you need to set aside. The best way to figure out how effectively you can douche is to pay attention to these patterns.
Take me, for example - it takes me much longer to douche (to the clarity I’m comfortable with) if I’m hungover or feeling the after-effects of alcohol. So, I handle that by either:
Not drinking,
Drinking less, or
Factoring in extra time if I have been drinking.
You’re way more likely to enjoy sex without distractions if you feel prepared and can focus on the fun. And I want you to enjoy it.
If you’re ready to learn more about getting into and enjoying anal sex, click below.
Getting into ANAL SEX: for beginners - Learn from an expert.
Ah, the orgasmic and mysterious world of anal play. Anal is something that I hear about and advise on almost every single day of the week. Anal is something I think about every single day of the week. Anal is something I wish I was doing every single day of the week. Sometimes, I do! It’s great.
I also have a free podcast episode dedicated to ‘Getting into Anal Sex’ which you can can listen to here: https://substack.com/@tophertaylor/note/p-156090372
EATING & DRINKING
Let’s talk about the foods to avoid and eating/drinking habits to consider if you want confident anal sex without the mess.
Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting you live your life or control your diet just to avoid ‘accidents.’ But, on the flip side, I totally get why you’d want to be mindful of it - because I do. And I know plenty of people who do the same, especially my sex worker friends. Let me reiterate: this guide is simply my way of doing things.
It’s up to you to find the right balance and figure out what works best for your body. I see tons of memes about bottoms eating ice cubes before sex or starving themselves to avoid mess. It’s funny for an Instagram ‘LOL,’ but seriously - don’t starve yourself. And I mean that. No penis, finger, or sex toy is worth starving your beautiful body for. I’m not just saying this to sound PC - treat your body with love and respect, and you’ll get the most out of it. Plus, if you’re having the kind of sex I have… you’ll need all the energy you can get.
That said, I typically avoid ‘indulgent’ foods around the time of sex, since those are more likely to upset your stomach or trigger a bowel movement.
Foods & Drinks *I* Avoid Before Anal Sex:
Spicy Food: This is science. Chili peppers and cayenne contain capsaicin, which stimulates the TRPV1 receptors in your intestinal tract, making your body want to go to the toilet faster than usual.
Very Oily Food: Eating fatty or greasy foods can trigger your colon to empty, especially with heavy, oily meals.
Junk Food: Similar to oily foods. The high-fat content can leave you feeling unsettled and encourage movement.
Red Meat: This one’s more anecdotal, but I’ve heard from a lot of sex worker friends that red meat can cause issues.
Fresh Fruit: I hate saying this because it feels wrong to tell people to avoid fruit—but fresh fruit can encourage quick movement. So maybe save that smoothie for after playtime.
Right After Eating: I’m not saying starve yourself, but your body naturally wants to make room for new food, which can trigger a bowel movement. Give yourself some time after a big meal to see if anything needs to ‘move’ before you get down to business.
Artificial Sweeteners: Found in diet drinks, desserts, etc. These contain sugar alcohols that can have a laxative effect, especially in sensitive stomachs or in large amounts.
Milky Foods & Drinks: Dairy can cause the same issues, especially if you’re lactose-sensitive.
Caffeine: Yes, tea and coffee included. Caffeine makes you poop - even if it’s iced.
Hot Drinks: Hot beverages soften stool and speed up digestion, which isn’t ideal before anal play.
Red Wine & Guinness: The day or night before sex, heavy drinking of these can stain your insides red or black. It makes douching the next day a nightmare because the water might come out discolored. Plus, it can leave behind that gross ‘old alcohol’ smell - not exactly sexy, IMO.
Drugs: I’m not here to judge anyone’s recreational choices, but certain drugs -especially uppers - can make your body need to poop. I’m not Googling the science behind it because I don’t want to invite the piggies into my flat, but yes—do your research. Also, I don’t recommend having sex while under the influence, especially if you’re a beginner. Your judgment isn’t at 100%, and that matters.
Cum: Yep, swallowing cum can make you poop - sometimes urgently. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it does happen to me.
PrEP: Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis for HIV Prevention
If you’re new to taking PrEP (the amazing, amazing, amazing HIV preventative medication), just a heads-up - it can give you an upset tummy in the beginning. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it’s something to be aware of.
But DO NOT skip taking PrEP if you’re having unprotected sex. Just factor it into your routine, especially in the early days. If it upsets your stomach, try taking it in the morning if you’re meeting someone in the afternoon or evening. This might need to be adjusted if you’re taking event-based PrEP instead of daily - or maybe consider the T’s and S’s way of taking PrEP (one pill on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday).
Click here to learn about how to access PrEP from the amazing Team Prepster.
Now… what CAN you eat?!
I know the list above feels long, but here’s a really helpful piece of advice: FIBRE IS YOUR FRIEND. Alongside plenty of water (which helps keep fiber-heavy foods moving and brings your stool closer to the exit point… if you catch my drift).
If you want peace of mind before anal, stick to eating light, simple, and clean foods. That doesn’t mean you have to skip on flavor - just be mindful of how your body reacts to certain foods.
But seriously, do not starve yourself. Ever. Not only is it bad for your body, but starving yourself can actually trigger diarrhea and an upset stomach. So, you might end up sabotaging yourself (punking yourself, if you will).
Personally, I love rich, spicy food. But knowing that, I’ve learned how and when to eat comfortably if I’m planning to have sex later. You might already have a sense of how your body reacts to different foods and cuisines from day-to-day life.
But again, as I said - pay attention to the patterns. Knowledge is power, and once you understand how your body responds, you’ll be able to make choices that lead to comfort and confidence during anal sex.
And one last time: don’t starve yourself. I have an Irish mother who would definitely remind you that there are people in this world who’d do anything for the food you’re lucky enough to have on your plate.
LET’S ASK THE EXPERTS: WHY DO YOU DOUCHE?
John Thomas: ‘Best Bottom’ Award Winner
“I douche because I want to have sex with confidence, removing any worries from my head beforehand that I am going to spoil a sexual encounter with my shit. I douche very deep and very thoroughly, partly because of the type of sex I have (or if I know I will be filming for several hours) but also because of this fear of not being clean. It’s a fear that I know I take too far and is somewhat irrational. When I was younger, I would just hope for the best, not douche, and mostly this seemed fine; or if I or my partner was dirty it wasn’t the catastrophe that I now imagine it to be. Similarly, I worry less about douching when I’m with a long-term partner – I might quickly check myself with a finger, for example, to see if I’m alright to go for an impulsive act of making love first thing in the morning. Even before winning Best Bottom, I felt huge pressure when hooking up with someone or going to a sex party to deliver the ‘John Thomas experience’ and not giving anyone a reason to be able to gossip about my failings as a bottom, especially not being clean. I don’t know why I hold myself to this standard, I don’t think it’s very healthy (for my mind or my gut!) because I know it’s not a standard that I as a top hold my bottoms too, and in my experience, the vast majority of tops never shame a bottom when they have a little accident. I’ve recently started using dietary fibre supplements [Flawless for Men] which I am finding is giving me confidence and enabling me to douche less and putting less strain on my body when I prepare for sex.” – JT
Amadeus: Adult Content Creator, Model & Bodybuilder
“Personally, I don’t want to be that bottom that is dirty. You feel good after. You know you are clean and good to go. For whatever happens. I can admit it can be a pain if the body is not in the mood and you feel like ‘where is it all coming from?'” – A
Ms Lenina Crowne: Adult Performer & Comedienne
“I suppose I anal douche primarily to avoid mess, but also because the sensation of anal sex is far better when one has a totally empty rectum! If there is even the tiniest piece of shit up there, it can make the sensation odd. I think the second point is actually quite important and one that isn’t discussed enough! An empty rectum feels considerably more pleasurable.”- LC
CJ: Adult Content Creator & Model
“For me, I douche for a few reasons these days, and how ‘much’ I douche does depend on what I’m up to. Generally a quick hookup I might have a quick clean-up, just a hand bulb and that’s it. Mainly just to be sure for me, I play raw and I love to suck a guys cock after he’s unloaded in me, so I want to be sure I’m just gonna be tasting load n lube (ok I don’t need lube but let’s pretend I’m tight still), not anything else….
But also, I do douche deeper when I’m going for a party, or a fist session, or going to play on my big toys. I make douching part of my prep n play, I have some porn on and might have some poppers too. It’s also a feeling I enjoy, a feeling of lightness and my hole is ready for exploration. When going through that second ring, that’s where you’re body holds waste back. I douche to clean that section ready as taking a fist or a big toy is gonna be going through there (and oh boy when it does *rolls eyes back and growls*). I want to be able to play for a while and not have anything coming out I don’t want. The smell can linger and then the session is over for me.
Making sure my botty is deep cleaned gives me confidence and comfort I can play for a while, plus when you’re filming or at a party it’s nicer for all that you’ve made an effort to clean your hole ready. Yes, sometimes things can still ‘backfire’ but it’s just nature. Clean up ‘n’ carry on as best you can, sometimes you might need to stop and shower fully – but then there’s always next time.
However I will say to guys if they intend to go out to parties/sex clubs and you plan on taking cock/more, just have a quick rinse out to be sure. It’s hot being around these places, but when there’s more than just a little accident, that smell lingers and often ends the night for a fair few people; scat is a fetish but a little more niche than most.” – CJ
Kit Wilde: Adult Content Creator & Sex Toy expert
“I douche for me, not for them. I fully appreciate and accept that s**t happens but I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t (unless of course we’ve both planned and agreed to it!). If it’s a planned meet I’ll go as far as to plan my eating the day before around the session to make douching easier and quicker” – KW
Moto The Pup: Adult Products Connoisseur & Kink enthusiast
“I don’t like to get visitors; I want to be clean. I don’t like scat; I respect those who do but I just don’t like it. If I can avoid getting shit on my tops dick, it’s better for me. Then again, you are sticking your dick in the ‘chocolate box’… so there might be ‘chocolate’ when it comes out. You know, accidents happen, but on a personal note I try my best to make sure that they don’t happen.” – M
DOUCHING PILLS & ANTI DIARRHEA MEDICATIONS
It’s entirely your choice if you wish to take medication or ‘douching pills’ to assist with your douching routine. However, I don’t recommend doing this as a beginner. I say this because I want you to learn how your body functions naturally, without building a reliance on medication or specialist pills.
The only reason I’m including this section in my guide is that when I tweeted about writing a douching guide, 50% of the DMs I received were from people asking about using pills and medications to assist with douching.
Douching pills are sold to solidify stool within our systems, ensuring that when we go to the toilet and douche, the stool is non-sticky and easy to clean/wipe without residue. This speeds up the douching process for many.
This effect is due to most of them containing something called psyllium husk. This is a form of fibre derived from the husks of Plantago Ovata seeds. It’s soluble and often taken in pill form or stirred into drinks. It increases the bulk of your stool and encourages more water content, allowing for a smoother and more cohesive exit from your body. So, basically, when you wipe, there’s noticeably less residue.
Psyllium Husk: Sold to solidify.
If you’re taking any form of psyllium husk, it’s important to stay well-hydrated. I’d also advise against drinking heavily (alcohol), as it dehydrates your system. If you become overly dehydrated while taking psyllium husk, you can easily get constipated. This is particularly common in those with sensitive stomachs.
I say this from personal experience - I gave myself a terrible bout of stomach issues by taking it. Almost three months of issues, in fact. I did not hydrate nearly as much as I should have, and I suffered the consequences. So, learn from my mistakes.
If you’re going to start taking psyllium husk to help with douching, you can easily grab some from influencer-promoted websites and brands: Pure For Men, etc.
I reviewed Pure For Men for Inside Hook here.
But you can also find it from trusted sellers online for a fraction of the price. Just make sure to check who and where you’re purchasing from - please avoid Amazon, especially if you’re queer.
If all else fails, you can often find reasonably priced psyllium husk at places like Holland & Barrett.
If you’ve been diagnosed with IBS, please speak to your GP before taking psyllium husk.
Some people take anti-diarrhea medications to give themselves peace of mind, but I’m pleading with you not to get into this routine. I see this all the time on Twitter, and it’s just not a good idea. I would never advise anyone to rely on medication that isn’t recommended by a professional. Medications like Imodium are for upset stomachs - not for anal sex.
Those who use anti-diarrhea meds for anal can end up messing with their digestive systems. From a few people I know personally, it often results in hard-to-pass stools that are covered in white mucus (which is often clear, so you might not notice it). Large amounts of visible mucus can be a sign of a problem in the bowel - so please avoid these meds and try it the natural way. If you start to notice white mucus after taking anything to help with douching, speak to your GP.
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
I want to address the inevitable for anyone who has a lot of anal sex - there will be a time when accidents happen. And by accident, I mean there might be a smell, maybe some poop, or discoloured water. Shit happens, as they say. You’ll just have to accept that this is a possibility.
Let me repeat something I say constantly: if you’re in bed with someone who freaks out or makes you feel awful for having an accident, then you shouldn’t be in bed with them. Don’t reward that kind of behaviour with your beautiful bottom. Yes, some people will have a natural, disgusted reaction to poop. Personally, it might make me gag. That’s out of my control - but I wouldn’t shame or embarrass someone. Because I’m not a dickhead. Also, because there’s no shame in honest, safe, and consensual sex. OK?
It’s a bit of a psychological balancing act sometimes between “I don’t want it to happen” and “That’s the function of that part of my body” - and I absolutely get it. It’s up to you to develop this relationship with your comfort and confidence, and it’s also up to you to communicate this with your partner(s). Don’t be embarrassed to inform someone of your boundaries, what embarrasses you, and what you deem unacceptable behaviour. If you’re not confident in how successful your douche has been and your partner(s) have arrived: tell them. That’s what I do, anyway.
I don’t know any anal-play fans who haven’t had some sort of accident in their sexual lifetimes - it’s just part of the process. Our bodies are complex and sometimes unpredictable, and douching too much or too little can be the reason. This is why I talk about test runs, paying attention to patterns, and fueling your body in a way that makes you comfortable.
I usually have sex on top of a designated sheet, blanket, or towel. Mostly because I don’t want to get silicone lube on my bed sheets (I like to use silicone lube). But it also helps prevent staining from any residual water or potential mess. Try to keep a pack of (biodegradable) body or face wipes nearby - they’re your friend.
If it happens, clean it up and move on. Try to laugh about it. Because it happens to most people, and you’re not uniquely ‘embarrassed’ in this situation. OK?
Shaming someone for having an accident during anal sex is unacceptable. And I will die on that hill.
OVER DOUCHING
Yes, over-douching is a thing. The lining inside your anus is very sensitive and can easily become irritated. If you’re continuously douching and stripping away the natural bacteria inside you, it can potentially lead to discomfort, constipation, and irritation. The latter can also leave you more vulnerable to sexually transmitted infections.
If you listened to the ‘Sex with Topher’ podcast, episode 1 with Rebecca More (MORE MILF of ‘Cock Destroyers’ fame), you’ll have heard her discussing how she (in her own words) ‘broke’ her butthole by over douching, through a little addiction to the process. This happens to many people who become ‘addicted’ to douching.
Rebecca More: Sex Worker, Porn STAR & Internet Icon
I’d say that heavily douching more than four times a week counts as ‘over-douching’. But again, listen to your body. If things start to feel sensitive or uncomfortable, or if you notice drastic changes in how regularly you go to the toilet, give your body a break.
Douching should never completely disrupt your normal toilet routine on days when you’re not engaging in anal play. Obviously, it will affect your regularity if you’ve already encouraged some movement through your body on the same day.
Remember what I said at the beginning of this guide: douching is meant to clear the entryway of the anus- not to give your bowels a full enema.
THE END.
If you have any questions or would like further clarification on points in this guide, or any of my other guides and work, please feel free to DM or email me topher@tophertaylor.co.uk
Enjoy.